Avoiding Senior Citizen Embarrassment (by guest blogger Gus Newcomb)

My name is Gus Newcomb and I’m 76 years old. I've been divorced for 16 years; have three kids and five grandkids. I live alone in a decent townhouse apartment in Milwaukee. I am retired but I volunteer at a food bank, am a member at a golf club, have a number of friends, and generally try to keep busy. But I’m not getting any younger. There are times when I wake up with some pretty significant aches and pains. Sometimes I will awake and find something like a knee or perhaps my hand has swollen up. The other day the heel of my left foot was so sore that I could not put any weight on it. I don’t know why it was sore, I do not remember injuring it, I figure it must be that the heel is 76 years old and it’s getting kind of fatigued.

Gus Newcomb

Truth is, I carry a cellphone not so much to call anyone socially, or to receive calls, but just in case I have a sudden health issue and need to call someone for assistance. It’s kind of sad, really. I've always considered myself to be self-reliant. I’m still self-reliant I guess, but I’m no longer self-reliant without a safety net.

One of the oddest things about advancing age in my situation is that should I suddenly need hospitalization, requiring someone to enter my apartment; I don't want to have its contents embarrass me. Consequently, over the last year or so I have felt obliged to vacuum at least once a week. In fact, these days I feel it necessary to keep my sink and kitchen countertops free of debris. I rinse dirty dishes and put them straight into the automatic dishwasher. I now feel an obligation to neatly place my clothes on hangers rather than depositing them on the bedroom floor after wearing. Just in case I’m hospitalized for a few weeks and someone needs to turn on my computer to pay a bill, I no longer keep photos of women on the hard drive. In fact, I have made it a habit to clear the internet history every so often, just in case the wrong person gets curious should I not be around. And now that I'm older I have gotten into the habit of wearing holeless socks and clean underwear. I'd hate to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and have some pretty nurse pull down my trousers and find I am sporting stained underwear. That would be the ultimate old guy embarrassment. We elderly dudes might be ancient and creaky, but we're not dead.