Fake Blogging

I am going to make a confession; I have a second blog, and no one can ever know its internet location. It has an alias for a author, even a photo of someone else next to the name, a photo stolen randomly from the internet. That blog has about twenty posts and in some ways is closer to being a diary than is this blog. The closest this blog comes to that blog is the specific blog entry where I write about being 14 years old and finding a treasure trove of porn in a trash can. Now, just imagine that being the most docile entry, and you can imagine that other blog. We all think this stuff, I just put it into a blog. However, like everyone else, I won't let anyone know those secrets are inside me.

Not all of the entries are about erotica. It goes about 50/50. I generally lean to being liberal, but some of the blog entries are politically incorrect; too politically incorrect to have my name attached to them. It's not that they would be embarrassing, exactly. It's just that they are kind of personal opinions. Still I want to air out these thoughts, at least a little.

I have several blog entries written by "guest bloggers". One such guest blogger is an attractive, 30-something woman. In her blog commentary she states that all things being equal, she prefers older men. In her blog entry she says that when compared to younger guys, older guys are "more thoughtful in every room of the house, including the bedroom". Unfortunately, for her to appear somewhat realistic, if not sane, her "older guys" are never much over 50. Now well into my 60s, it would appear that I'm gotten too old for my own fantasies.

Now and then I am tempted to tell someone about this second blog, specifically it's internet address. Then I give it a little more thought and good sense takes root and I keep silent. The blog actually has readers, at least according to the view counter. In fact, that guest blogger I mentioned had several dozen readers viewing her confession. I'm not sure if someone came upon that blog entry and sent the link to various friends, or if someone came upon that blog entry and returned to reread it twenty-four times over about a week or so. Either way, I've never had twenty-four views of this blog's entry about my little league career. And that was non-fiction, unfortunately.    

The Day the Music Died

I am 63 years old and partially retired. I have a lot of spare time so I decided I would undertake a constructive hobby. I decided to take up the violin. I wasn't sure I would enjoy it, so I rented an instrument. It cost me $20 a month with all the money going to the purchase, should I get that far.

I picked up the violin after work one day and as soon as I got home I took it out of the case. I went to YouTube on the internet for lessons. The first day, and in fact within an hour or so I knew how to hold the bow in my right hand and how to hold the violin using only my chin and my shoulder. The next thing was fingering the strings; how to properly do it. I learned how, technically, but clearly I was going to have to spend a lot of time practicing. I had plenty of time and I am willing.

By the end of about the second week, or approximately twenty-five or thirty hours of practice, I tried to play every violinist's first piece; Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I placed the bow onto the strings and began. It was very slow, crude and an made a lot of mistakes, but I actually did it! By the end of a month I could play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with a bit of soul. I also had a couple of other selections that I could perform, albeit crudely. 

Six weeks in and I had a handful of tunes that though they were not done expertly, were fully recognizable to any would-be listener. After two months, and countless hours of practice, I decided I would take my violin out to a local park for a free recital for any passersby. Believe it or not, an older woman stopped to listen. When I was done she smiled and said, "That was really very good." It was my first compliment. 

That in the italicized was how I thought it might go; my violin career. It seemed plausible. I was willing to learn the correct methods and practice, and I had no thought of being a virtuoso. I don't think I was looking for the unrealistic.

The reality is; I picked up my violin after work and as soon as I arrived home, I took it out of the case. I placed it under my chin and at the "10 o'clock position"; just as the experts advised. I found two problems; the violin was not held securely, making it impossible to play, and worse; it was painful to turn my head to the 10 o'clock position for more than about thirty seconds or so. My neck just did not want to do it.  

I partially solved the problem of securing the violin by placing several folded towels on my left shoulder, held in place under my shirt. It was better but probably not the long-term answer. As for the pain in my neck and upper back caused by keeping my head turned to the left; that actually got worse. After holding the violin in place for a few minutes using only my chin and shoulder, I tried to turn my head to the forward position. Not only did I find my neck almost locked into place, but I felt a shooting pain down my jaw and into my chin.  

I tried again the next day and nothing had changed except for the shooting pain had gotten worse. I think at that point I knew I was done, my career finished before the bow and touched the strings, before a single note had been played, my career finished literally before it had begun. The next morning I placed the violin in the case and when I climbed into my car to go to work, the instrument came into the car with me. After work I returned the violin to the music shop where I had first rented it two days before.

The lady behind the counter good-naturedly remarked, "You didn't give it much time."

"Well, I gave it enough time to feel achiness in my neck and pain in my jaw and chin," I replied with a smile and a note of regret. "I gave it enough time to know I was never going to be able to do it."

Then after a short pause I added, "I gave it enough time so that it'll make for another in a long line of mildly amusing, self-effacing blog entries."