A Slightly Atypical Twenty-Six Year Relationship

I am on the verge of 62 years old. I am not married and never have been. Nevertheless, I have had the same woman in my life for 26 years. This woman, Diana, is now 55. We were a lot younger when we started out. I’m not sure if we’re ever going to get married. We have nothing against marriage; it’s just that marriage requires some kind of action. A marriage license needs to be purchased, and only specific individuals can perform the ceremony. See what I mean? If a person doesn’t really care about marriage one way or the other, why bother? That’s kind of been our view on it for the last 26 years.

There are more curious details to this 26 year relationship than being unmarried. For example; Diana and I don’t live together. We sleep together most nights, but almost all of my clothes are at my condo, which is located a few miles from Diana’s modest house. I generally shower at my place too. When I come home from work, I come home to my place. I will watch TV and have a snack. About four days a week I drive over to her place in the evening where I will stay the night. I’ll drive to work from her place the next morning. This has been pretty much our scenario from the outset, lo these many years ago.

My place is distinctly mine, and Diana’s place is distinctly hers. When I am at her place I will go to her refrigerator without asking, and I can brew tea without getting permission, but I do not tell her what photos to display on her walls or what color furniture she should buy. It’s her home. I have mine. 

We do not have kids, of course. I don’t think it has ever been a consideration. I think we both like children, we simply have never wanted to have any of our own. Now at the age of 62, I can honestly say that I have never missed having kids. Of course a person generally misses only those things he has had and lost, not things he has never had.

I don’t look at our arrangement as strange or unusual, but I know that some people are puzzled by it. All I can say is that for 26 years Diana and I have been as happy as any couple in a long-term relationship, and happier than most. Still, I don’t know if I would recommend such an arrangement for most people. It takes either a pretty good dose of open-mindedness, or a big helping of stupidity. I’m not sure which. Maybe I’ll ask Diana when I see her this evening. 

Circa 1990

January 2013