God Where Are You?

I'm highly skeptical that there is a god. I'm putting the odds at 1 in 10. The problem is, I want there to be a god. I want it in the worst way. It's a selfish thing, really. Plain fact is, I yearn for an afterlife. I have a tough time with the concept of an eternity of nothingness. I find is scary. Terrifying. When I envision death, it is like a prolong term of acute boredom. Tied to a theater seat during a continuously playing David Spade film. As I see it, the only way to avoid the endless darkness is via God. I have to suck-up to God. But see, there's the rub. I don't think God is out there. I could cover my bases and pretend I'm a big God fan, but if God is anything like people claim him to be, he'd know I was faking it. All the prayers, the kneeling, the sacrifices during Lent, all an act and the Guy'd know it. He'd probably be less pissed if I didn't acknowledge Him at all. I can't make myself become a theist any more than I can make myself eight feet tall, or a country music fan. What a predicament.

The other day I was sitting back in my recliner and staring up at the ceiling in thought when it entered my head that there's actually somewhere near a reasonable chance that some kind of thinking entity created the universe. He, or she, or it, would have put together all the various forms of matter, concocted the rules of physics, and kicked the whole thing into motion. For a while I thought I might be on to something. Maybe my problem was on the verge of being solved. But as much as I pondered I just couldn't make this "being", if it's even there, be even remotely similar to the God found in various religious literature. I figured that this hypothetical "being" may have created the universe, and both the Earth and man are byproducts that came into existence through a combination of a lot of time and a fair amount of happenstance. No I could not convince myself that this creature even knows we are here. I couldn't come close to buying into the notion that it is looking over us, critiquing our lives for moral content. In short, this mild revelation I recently experienced didn't help me negotiate my dilemma with the hereafter.

People have said that God has spoken to them. But if I'm standing right next to one of these individuals while God is communicating I know I won't hear a thing. I think God needs to come out in the open. That's the only answer. I'd start a global petition if I knew where to send it. What's with all the secrecy anyhow? I've heard this thing about "faith" but in the great realm of human behavior, faith isn't actually a particularly positive trait. As deeds go, faith is kind of neutral. So why would God make it a requirement? See, it's just that kind of thinking that gets me in trouble. The standard response would be "Because that's the way he is", or words to that effect. Well, that's not the kind of logic that's going to sway me. And I want to be swayed!

If you see God, if he's sitting on your porch drinking a lemonade, send me an email and I'll rush right over. I'll travel at top speed because I'll want very desperately for him to be there... I mean really there.